so i sit here alone on a Christmas eve thinking to myself where did I go wrong... i am a nice girl but not to nice, i have good job and i love with ever fiber of my being... so why is it that my family is over 10hrs away and i cant stand to fake a smile with my friends any more.
it seem to me that i have been faking my way through life for a long time and i am over it. last month i was so stressed out that i felt like i had no control over my life so one morning as i was getting ready for work i started cutting my hair, 4inches later i was done and felt so much better i did have control over something... but even as fucked up as i am i knew that was way unhealthy. 2 weeks ago i was at such a low that if i didn't have a person to reach out and hug me i would have killed myself that night. all it took was one really hard long night of talking to make me see that i could ride this shit out... not saying that i don't think about it anymore cuz i do like 35% of my daily thoughts go in to how i could just end it... and yes i am on meds.
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